Stock Option Skeptic Pillows

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Stock market investment advice

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'Worker or Soldier: Is that all you can suggest? Not much of a choice is there!...'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

Wall Street Down

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

I'm sorry, but I have to let you go, Harpic- the office is going open-plan.

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

"Some say we can't go on making millions forever, but I think they're wrong!"

"Now do you see, Betty, what a little luck, a few sound investments and the shameless inflation of corporate profits through bogus transactions can buy."

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."