Value Skeptic Pillows

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

Cupid misses his shot.

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

Coincidence or What?

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

A happy poor man is given money by a rich man and is no longer happy.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."