Quality Skeptic Pillows

'Shop here for the lowest prices. . . and workmanship.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

CIA report

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Actually, yes, honey — I do believe 'Fox News' is an oxymoron."

Alternative Medicine

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

Why do you hate the media?

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Classic News.

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

Cupid misses his shot.

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"This just in: you thought joy was within reach, but you were wrong."

"Climate change is not real. It's fake climate!"

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

Yes, but.

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'