Purity Skeptic Pillows

Bottled water plant gets delivery of treated sewage.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

Cupid misses his shot.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

Yes, but.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

Book signing The Art Of Forgery - "Gee thanks, Oprah Winfrey."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

Second Thoughts Wedding

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

"No, this is not part of an evacuation procedure."

"Of course I don't love you - why d'you keep asking?"

'Is this a trick question?'

"One thing I'll say for us, Meyer--we never stooped to popularizing science."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'It's a big step getting married. I need time to think about it - What did you say your name was?'

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

"It was love at first sight, except for his ringtone."

"Arrows won't work on him. Use a taser."

Just married for tax purposes

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"This is our newest drug. It's currently undergoing rigorous testing to see how much we can charge."