Purity Skeptic T-Shirts

Bottled water plant gets delivery of treated sewage.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

Cupid misses his shot.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

Yes, but.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

Book signing The Art Of Forgery - "Gee thanks, Oprah Winfrey."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

Second Thoughts Wedding

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

"No, this is not part of an evacuation procedure."

"Of course I don't love you - why d'you keep asking?"

'Is this a trick question?'

"One thing I'll say for us, Meyer--we never stooped to popularizing science."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'It's a big step getting married. I need time to think about it - What did you say your name was?'

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

"It was love at first sight, except for his ringtone."

"Arrows won't work on him. Use a taser."

Just married for tax purposes

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"This is our newest drug. It's currently undergoing rigorous testing to see how much we can charge."