Stock Market Soldier Gifts

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

First Church of Non-Denominational Money Worship.

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'Time to buy.'

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The United States' economy deflating.

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'What do you mean your telling me, 'stash it under the bed' is your best advice in the current financial climate?'

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

Stock Market Research and Analysis