Stock Market Soldier Gifts

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Time to buy.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

First Church of Non-Denominational Money Worship.

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

The United States' economy deflating.

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'What do you mean your telling me, 'stash it under the bed' is your best advice in the current financial climate?'

Geezernomics - Crash of 1929.

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'