Stock Market Sailor Gifts

'I'd like to diversify my portfolio. For a change, why don't you get me a stock that's not in a group I like to classify as 'losers?'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Captain in a storm

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

No caption. (On a pirate ship various flags fly, including flags with a skull and crossbones and other banners showing logos from various social media sites. On the boat deck below, a pirate is looking at his cell phone).

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'What do you mean your telling me, 'stash it under the bed' is your best advice in the current financial climate?'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

"Whoa - not so fast! I've got to check your browsing history first..."

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

"Today stocks rose on the news that 'down' is a temporary state of mind."

Gold Crisis

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

"The stocks rally wavered on news Janet Yellen sounded greenspanish."

Sailing enthusiast brings his hobby to his office.

'US stocks dropped on news of more people buying cheap goods from China...'

"Okay, the market took a dive. No reason to panic, Mr. Spielman."

Investments: Getting In Touch With Your Inner Greed

"It was a mixed dayon wall street. Stocks were down, but bonuses were up."

'Media stocks rose on news that Warren Buffett, a real smart feller, brought the Omaha World-Herald.'

"We live in the desert. What did you think I meant when I said it'd be a nice day to go boating?"

The turbulent euro.

Past Performance in No Guarantee of Future Results.

Jake was a hedge fun manager in the city.

'Simmons is our expert in oil stocks.'