Stock Market Chef Gifts

'You shouldn't put all your cash into one stock... you need to diversify. Try buying beef, vegetable and chicken stock...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

World Economic Crisis.

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."