Stock Market Chef T-Shirts

'You shouldn't put all your cash into one stock... you need to diversify. Try buying beef, vegetable and chicken stock...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Day trading.

World Economic Crisis.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''