Stewardess Gifts

'You know, you remind me of me when I first started here.'

Multiple panels showing a flight attendant's luggage on different lengths of a working trip.

'Quick! Page the flight deck, bring me oxygen, gloves, a mask and someone junior!'

'This is a collect call from 'THE CAPTAIN.' Do you accept all charges?'

"I think Bev is taking this social distancing thing a little too far."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'Don't worry, dude, that's not the intercom -- here, gimme the manual.'

'Happy New Year!'

A sign at a restaurant - Food left unattended will be eaten by the waiter.

'The airline's in trouble, isn't it?'

'Mrs. McWit in 19E brought her garlic rolls again.'

'A Stewardess's Cupboard.' On a shelf are a Jar of COFFEE, a tin of TEA, and a box of ME.

'In case of a sudden loss of cabin-pressure, please don the respective AFTER-LIFE costume located in the seat pocket in front of you..'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"Does Bev always pack her own food?"

"The loud engine might wake her up. Can you ask the pilot to turn it off?"

"Yea yea, I'm right around the corner!"

"Would you like some wings?"

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"Goodbye old girl. They'll never issue another bag quite like you."

"There! Just like new!"

"No one wants a drink, no one wants a snack...I don't know who I am anymore."

"I'm number 846 on my salon's wait list. You?"

"Is there a pilot in the house?"

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'