Steroid Skeptic Gifts

'Gribner is batting .317 with six home runs and a positive steroid testing average of just .17 lifetime. Here's the pitch.'

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'Too much Omega 3.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

"I totally meant to do that."

Calm down...this is for your own good.

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

Documentation Please

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."