Statistician Of Silliness Gifts

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Bell Curve. Bell Curve after a few beers.

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Satis Factory Tour

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

Julius and Isabella Dufferburger, statistically average family with their 2.5 children.

'...with a 38% chance that death do us part.'

Remember, statistics are in the eye of the manipulator.

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

Economic Errata

'Well, it's official: The yearly statistics are out and our most common cause of death is by being squashed!'

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

Room for Error

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

'I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year.'

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

"The bar charts show out clients overwhelmingly prefer pie charts."

'That's one of my earlier pieces.'

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

A cow carrier.

"So, fifty percent loved the advert!" "That's right...I did, but my wife didn't."

"Why do you still drink, smoke and eat fatty foods?"