Philosopher Of Silliness Gifts

Pigeon Little

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"It Works For Us."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."