Statistically Savvy Voter Pillows

'The trouble with politicians? One is a dummy, one is a jerk! By the time you figure out which is which the election is over and they've won!'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'Can you fetch all of these but leave these others alone?'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

The Election Strategy

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

'I know I was just here yesterday, but the courts ordered a recount.'

Afghanistan intervention.

The Guardian: Portland Republican says party should use militia groups after racial attack

Vote Grinkley! Now you see him, now you don't.

Woke and wonderful

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

"And you know, realistically, it's much safer than driving."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

President Obama's gun violence proposal and the NRA proposal.

'How would Jesus register?'

'If we are going to vote on everything, why do we need a legislator?'

'I promise to be the first politician to slow global warming by reducing the hot air coming out of Washigton!'

'That's one of my earlier pieces.'

"Brilliant Angela, that will get them out to vote."

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

Vote like your rights depend on it