Stats Savvy Pillows

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'He's an attorney. He came with the software package, to verify software licensing compliance.'

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

Graph to find your IQ

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Bank Robbery Statistics

"I hate to be a downer, but, statistically, people are more likely to die of heart disease than by getting

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.

Charging to a 10,000 Dow?

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

'I'm trading futures in green sheets.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

Harvest Data Festival

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

"Hi, this is Bill Gates. Time to buy some new software."

Stock market news.

"And you know, realistically, it's much safer than driving."