Stats Guru Pillows

"We're updating stats for our fantasy football league."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

Graph to find your IQ

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

Bank Robbery Statistics

'Our crime figures are down!'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'C'mon, Phil, it's not like we're trying to hit a baseball.'

Hair Style Menu

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

"Would you guys shut up and let me watch the game?"

'Boys, the team statistician will now explain why our record of 23 wins and 59 losses is very, very good.'

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

"Study after study shows that more and more people are participating in studies."

The Stat family