Stats Guru T-Shirts

"We're updating stats for our fantasy football league."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Graph to find your IQ

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

Bank Robbery Statistics

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

'Our crime figures are down!'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'C'mon, Phil, it's not like we're trying to hit a baseball.'

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

Hair Style Menu

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

Are you familiar with the phrase "demography is destiny"?

"Would you guys shut up and let me watch the game?"

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

'Boys, the team statistician will now explain why our record of 23 wins and 59 losses is very, very good.'

The Miracle Worker

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

The Stat family