Stargazing Satirists Gifts

They Even Use Astronomy to Screw Workers

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"I don't like space."

Standings: Milky Way Conference

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

You've discovered how elderly dudes can keep picking up chicks? I've amended Giacomo's Theorem, yes. The pickup number is now direction proportional to age in instances where charm is also directly proportional to age. Journals from Milan to Vegas are publishing my findings. Of course, there's one flaw in my theory. Hold that thought, I feel some gas coming on. It won't apply to most dudes.

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

"The planet appears to be inhabitable but more like low-income inhabitable."

The Black Hole Commission

'Take us to your lead.'

Wheels are good, but I'm going into pure research.

"Wow, that thing is bright! Glad we wore our sunglasses!"

'Celestial music, my eye. We were just picking up some FM station in Vienna.'

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

Invasion if the Ill prepared Giants!

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

Church urges rethink on air traffic control

NASA discovers Ultima Tule, an object the farthest stretch from truth in the universe

'I'm a 'Crater-face,' am I? - Well, at least I don't have a stinky ATMOSPHERE!'

Is removing the lid fm a jar of pickles easier in zero gravity?

Research for Spontanious Human Combustion - Thank you for not smoking

'... blast off!... Uh-oh. Houston, we have a problem.'

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

Halo Theft

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"How dare they defy me by doing what I predestined them to do!?!"

"It's always about YOU."

"I hate my fans."

Bouncer picks out good-looking woman in queue for heaven. Man says: 'This, I did not expect.'

'I've felt much better ever since John D. Rockefeller started me on liposuction.'