Stargazing Satirists Gifts

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"I don't like space."

Standings: Milky Way Conference

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

"The planet appears to be inhabitable but more like low-income inhabitable."

'Take us to your lead.'

"Wow, that thing is bright! Glad we wore our sunglasses!"

'Celestial music, my eye. We were just picking up some FM station in Vienna.'

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'

Invasion if the Ill prepared Giants!

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

NASA discovers Ultima Tule, an object the farthest stretch from truth in the universe

Is removing the lid fm a jar of pickles easier in zero gravity?

'I'm a 'Crater-face,' am I? - Well, at least I don't have a stinky ATMOSPHERE!'

'... blast off!... Uh-oh. Houston, we have a problem.'

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

Church urges rethink on air traffic control

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

Halo Theft

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"How dare they defy me by doing what I predestined them to do!?!"

"It's always about YOU."

"I hate my fans."

Bouncer picks out good-looking woman in queue for heaven. Man says: 'This, I did not expect.'

'You owe income tax, social security tax, and of course, death tax.'

'Oh, I don't care who - Anybody but a taxpayer.'