Stargazing Jokesters Gifts

"If you squint, you can see Uranus!"

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"Not now, Oliver."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

Cosmonaughty

Standings: Milky Way Conference

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

". . . And how long have you felt alienated?"

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

Moon's Portaloo.

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

'OK, who stuck that wedding confetti star on it?'

Black Hole Corks

Serious business

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

The First Man to Ride the Moon

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

"What's wrong with this telescope? I can't see a blasted thing."

"Ohhh! Now I get it!"

"Houston....I've found the 'Plank Constant'."

Museum. The Universe. "Light-years"? Boy, they have low-calorie everything these days!

"29 degrees in Scorpio? What's that in Fahrenheit?"

Stand up comedians from outer space.

Chalk Bored

New Planets