Star Gazing Humorist Gifts

"Wow, that thing is bright! Glad we wore our sunglasses!"

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

Man, my cat sneaks into the weirdest spots.

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"I don't like space."

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

'Can you believe it? - The doofus doesn't know whether this is the Alpha Quadrant or not!'

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Standings: Milky Way Conference

"You'd think they never heard of 'catch and release' before."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'Can you believe it? - This hayseed doesn't even know which GALAXY we're in!'

If aliens' first contact is with a dad...

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

'Last time I share-house with a Wookie!'

Moon's Portaloo.

"I'm pretty sure I've already seen a rock like that in some museum back on Earth."

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

Hedge of two moo cows

'I hate to break it to you, but moons don't grow up to be planets OR stars.'

The Moon Falls Out of the Sky.

"Their entire planet is coated in things called doodads, tchotchkes, trinkets, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and clutter."

"Y'all look like dog people to me."

'Zylo, you know there's a leash law on this planet!'

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''

'Looks like they've outsourced their downsizing this year.'

Corn Aliens