Star-gazing Satirist Gifts

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

Priest's 'To do' list.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Sock Puppet in Literature

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Even More Disciples'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Free ticket to heaven... details inside