Stage Buff Pillows

"Horse's ass is not just your job description, Larry."

Showbiz Awards

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Backfire

'One eye of newt or two?'

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Trump! The Musical

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"Bloody hell!"

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

Mikado

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Deflator mouse

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Mikado

A little bird told me...

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

"Is there a vegan option?"

"Of course I'm dressed like a cheap w***e! It's Halloween! Duhh!"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

Cossack dancers

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

This side is the gag reel.

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Beware of the frog"

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

Cat Hecklers