Staff Management Gifts

'And finally before I can permit you to shop in this store, have you ever raised your voice to a member of staff on any prvious occasion ?'

Hazardous!

'Staff management is pretty easy. If you've got a vacant job, give it to the employee of your choice. After that you place a job advertisement.'

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'I give this one about three months...'

'I have been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

Deadline