Employee Management Gifts

'The next disciplinary committee might not be so lenient.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'