Workforce Management Gifts

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

'I found a great way to double production - cut your work force in half!'

1500 cap on list sizes proposed.

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

Counting part time employees is the new math.

Deadline

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

Targets.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

Business Meeting

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"I'm so happy to be back in the workforce I'll never complain out loud again about Mondays."

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'The project isn't that important, so put some of your worst people on it.'

This castle manager job better be for real.

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

I'm willing to start at the bottom and work my way up to your job..

Football fans discuss a deceased manager: A giant, a legend, much loved. Didn't we sack him?

"Today's top priority is prioritizing our priorities."

The Department of People waiting for Something to Happen...

'Daft title. How could you have 'backward' planning?'