Staff Management Aficionado Gifts

'The next disciplinary committee might not be so lenient.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

Mr Yomp quickly got the hang of his new laptop.

The little engine that could delegate.

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

Subordinate Employee

"First of all, let me commend everyone on the teamwork displayed on this icebreaker. Secondly, let me apologize for some of the motivational language I used during this session..."

Monday around 9PM.

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

"You have a 2 o'clock, a 3:30 and don't forget the monthly finance report is due Friday..."

The little engine that delegated

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

Leadership Training

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

Harp Concerto for Four Hands and Ladder

I'm willing to start at the bottom and work my way up to your job..

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

'What a control freak!'

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

"You have no idea how political this place is."

Suggestion box paper shredder.

"Employee satisfaction is of utmost importance and I'm not leaving this chair till you are satisfied."

Desk bins: Pretend it's not here, Hope it goes away, Delegate it.

Company Structure - Boss and his yes men.

'Oh bugger cramp!'

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

"Keep your shape at the back...."