Managerial Staff Gifts

'I give this one about three months...'

"Who would like to give me feedback on my leadership qualities?"

'I have been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!'

'I was just given more responsibility. Now I am not only responsible for corporate mumbo but also for corporate jumbo.'

Compete with This

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

Busy office.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."