Stadium Dweller Gifts

"Somebody has screwed-up the seating arrangements" - Seating is an optical illusion.

Sam Allardyce

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

'Apart from the vuvuzela incident did you enjoy England's World Cup games?'

The Art Student.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

Church for sports worshipers.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

A man cheers

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

'I hate playing in an inflatable dome during a power outage.'

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Puppy.

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

Upper West Side Story

"Arianna Stassinopoulos Huffington should write a book about you!"

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Hard to believe this was all rain forest just fifteen years ago."

"Can you at least pretend to try and hold the elevator so I won't mull over and over how you didn't hold the elevator."

"Thank you."

'It's not over till the slim, glamorous crossover lady sings.'

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"Scat!"

'Well, I love your paint-spattered jeans.'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"