Stadium Dweller Gifts

"Somebody has screwed-up the seating arrangements" - Seating is an optical illusion.

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

The Art Student.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

Church for sports worshipers.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

A man cheers

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'I hate playing in an inflatable dome during a power outage.'

Puppy.

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Upper West Side Story

"Arianna Stassinopoulos Huffington should write a book about you!"

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Hard to believe this was all rain forest just fifteen years ago."

"Can you at least pretend to try and hold the elevator so I won't mull over and over how you didn't hold the elevator."

"Thank you."

'It's not over till the slim, glamorous crossover lady sings.'

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"Scat!"

'Well, I love your paint-spattered jeans.'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

"Won't be a minute Boss, just nippin' to the karzie."

'I can't get John to do a thing to the garden!'

Auld Gang Sign

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."