Stadium Dreamer Gifts

'There's plenty of acreage, but nobody knows how to build a baseball stadium.'

'Hey! This isn't a sold-out crowd! It's just a bunch of cartoon humps symbolizing a sold-out crowd!'

'The sooner we move to a new stadium, the better!'

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"I'm bored."

"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

Artist and Musician

Ballet dancer.

Midnight Basketball

"Unfortunately, father never quite got over being asked to reform the band for Live Aid in the '80s."

Angel Swing

Baseball Dreams

"For my next trick, I'll require an audience."

Fuzz - Fuzzy says 'let me hear you say yeah!'

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

Not The Real Me

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

'Forget your two million pound recording contract. When are you going to get a steady job?'

Big Football

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

Thinning Hair/ Erectile Dysfunction/ One Foot in the Grave.

"I know it is a digital production, but this cheque is a digit short."

Artist paints his brush rather than the model.

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.

"You want England to win what!? Put me back in the lamp!"

Most of his innovative product ideas first saw life in his home studio.

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

Penalty

'Good lick with your future acting career. And just to give you an idea of how tough it is out there, here's a copy of 'Withnail and I'. The uncut version.'

'That takes you into double figures and we're not off the tee yet!'

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

An artist is painting a still life of a dog and a cat in a studio. They are both in the painting, but the cat is missing from the studio and the dog is looking guilty.