Championship Dreamer Gifts

Athletes' Income

Highlights from when the team didn't stink...

Football Fans

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

Midnight Basketball

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

Baseball Dreams

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Not The Real Me

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

Penalty

"What's next?"

You guys aren't living up to your preseason hype!

"You want England to win what!? Put me back in the lamp!"

'Don't think of sweeping as a chore. Consider it practice for the Olympic Curling Team.'

Castaway with a tennis court.

'Boy, I love pretending to be Jens Lehmann...Now I can go home to watch football on TV!'

"Why are you studying? Go outside and practice shooting three pointers, so you can ear big bucks like Steph Curry."

'There was a time when I considered making myself available for the NBA draft. But one day I realized, hey - I'm a slug! I don't have an athletic bone in my body!'

Wordplay: Mind Games.

'When do I learn to read and sign a huge NFL contract?'

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

'It's OK if you want to live your sports dreams vicariously through your son, Mr. Wagner. But you'll have to do it from the bleachers.'

NBA Vampire

'I wanna be a hockey goalkeeper.'

"Look what I got! A 14K gold-played chain steering wheel! It only cost $169!"

'You can be President when you grow up. I'm going to make a lot of money playing shortstop for the Yankees.'

'Save some purrs for when I play quarterback for the Saints.'

How to think and act like a professional cricketer.

'Hey! This isn't a sold-out crowd! It's just a bunch of cartoon humps symbolizing a sold-out crowd!'

STRIP *The Fan * "Let Garry McAllister be you inspiration."

'For goodness sake, stop whistling while you work.' - 'I wasn't working, only whistling.'

One man's food coma is another man's imaginary game-wining catch.