Spreadsheet Whiz Gifts

"Accounts Payable... The check in in the mail. (click)"

"Have to run, Al - I've got an accounting gig at two."

Innumerate accounts department

And that's massaging the numbers.

'You forgot to carry over the deceit.'

'How are the accounts coming along?' - 'If the total's wrong, is the whole thing wrong?'

"Your Father can't come to the phone right now dear. He is auditing council spend data for somewhere in the Midlands."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'Maths is fun!'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

But under a different accounting convention ...

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

End of Year Figs.

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

'In a Washington economic summit, a panel of three economists offered two dozen opinions about the direction of global economics.'

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'And that's with massaging the numbers!'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'I'm having a hard time balancing homework and family time.'

business

Sales

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

'Good work! Long live our accountants!'

"Somehow I thought they'd be a bit SCARIER."