Spreadsheet Wiz Gifts

'Turns out our numbers weren't lying after all - our accountants were.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

But under a different accounting convention ...

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

End of Year Figs.

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'And that's with massaging the numbers!'

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

business

A collective sigh of relief.

Sales

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

'Good work! Long live our accountants!'

'Can you show me on this dolly what Bill Gates did to your computer?'

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

"Good news! Accounting just upgraded our numbers from 'good' to 'really good'."

'We've gone through your books and we demand payment in cash.'

"Somehow I thought they'd be a bit SCARIER."

"You can go home now, Barmpot - we've balanced."

The High-Tension Drama of "The Fiscal Cliff"

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

"Well, there it is in black and white - we're in the red."