Spouse Teasing Pillows

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

"Very funny."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

Banana striptease...

"Oh my, you're a dirty little weasel, aren't you darling?!"

Hit Me

'I don't like the look of yours...'

Roach Motel

'Hey Goldie, the house is on fire!' 'Wow, I just found out the world is round!' 'I hear they're gonna make gloves out of you.'

'So, you're married to my ex-husband?'

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

"Well, I thought installing a kitchen faucet without having to call the plumber was a pretty good 'praise'."

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

"I'm wearing new cologne. I hope Smiley is able to control herself around me today."

'My dad says I'm good at training little animals - Sit, boy!'

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

"Stop kidding yourself, Frank. It's not summer fiction -- it's chick lit."

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"Gracie, no matter how smart-pants you are...I still love you."

"I love you but I love my chocolate fudge sundae more."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: 'This is why I hate talking to Geeky science boys!!'

Teddy Tree is trying out for lacrosse. LOL! No way! That spazoid nerd? Hey! No one disses my little brother! Ok. Ok! Sorry! That's my job.

"Did we switch everything off before we left?"

"When you have a minute love, my 'new man' t-shirt needs ironing."

The last argument - Did not/Did too.

'It's a shame really, he used to have his leg pulled a lot when he was a boy.'

"Will you stop saying I hit a birdie on that last hole! Is it my fault that bird flew into the path of my ball?"