Playful Spouse Pillows

"If that's my matching sock, I'm not here."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'She's just great with the children.'

'Don't bite it.I have to check Daddy next.'

Mixed Doubles.

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

"Werewolves of London..."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

Holding hands

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'You may now kick the bride.'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

Your spirit animal is a balloon poodle? My spirit animal is a balloon poodle!

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

'Where do I put the batteries?'

Advanced footsie

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

'Remember last Saturday. . . you were bold that day. No dear, caught.'