Parental Teasing Pillows

'Your boy friend go home yet?'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

"Fasten your seat belt."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"Very funny."

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

Banana striptease...

"Oh my, you're a dirty little weasel, aren't you darling?!"

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

Hit Me

'I don't like the look of yours...'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Yes, we have a 'Happy Meal'. It's when you leave the kids home.

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

'Hey Goldie, the house is on fire!' 'Wow, I just found out the world is round!' 'I hear they're gonna make gloves out of you.'

"From now on, just pillage."