Parental Teasing Pillows

'Your boy friend go home yet?'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

"Fasten your seat belt."

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"Very funny."

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

"Oh my, you're a dirty little weasel, aren't you darling?!"

Banana striptease...

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

Hit Me

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'I don't like the look of yours...'

Yes, we have a 'Happy Meal'. It's when you leave the kids home.

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

"From now on, just pillage."

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

'Hey Goldie, the house is on fire!' 'Wow, I just found out the world is round!' 'I hear they're gonna make gloves out of you.'

Our Yuppie Dad