Parental Tease Pillows

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"Very funny."

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

Banana striptease...

Hit Me

"Oh my, you're a dirty little weasel, aren't you darling?!"

'This buggy gets only about one mile per gal.'

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'I don't like the look of yours...'

A rabbit is followed out of a Magician's hat by a greyhound.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

'Dad... He's still making faces at me!'

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

'Hey Goldie, the house is on fire!' 'Wow, I just found out the world is round!' 'I hear they're gonna make gloves out of you.'

Our Yuppie Dad

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

"I'm wearing new cologne. I hope Smiley is able to control herself around me today."

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

'My dad says I'm good at training little animals - Sit, boy!'

"It's the kids! Quick! Stash the cigs!"