Sporty Spectator Gifts

"We're speeding up the game by replacing the seventh inning with the 'Ring' cycle."

'Heads up!!'

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"I AM at my usual position."

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Football Chameleon

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Raheem Sterling

Saving a Heart

Gary turns 40.

"How should we divide the teams?"

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

A day at the transgenic races

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Ratminton

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.