Sports Person Gifts

"He's like Tiger Woods before his comeback."

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Go team!

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Football Chameleon

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Mixed Doubles.

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

A day at the transgenic races