Sports Player Gifts

Rugby Mad.

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

Sorry, coach. My mom says the other football pants are "too revealing."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"I AM at my usual position."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Punt Cake

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

Ratminton

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Saving a Heart

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"How should we divide the teams?"