Sports Player Gifts

Rugby Mad.

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

Punt Cake

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"I AM at my usual position."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Saving a Heart

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"How should we divide the teams?"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

A day at the transgenic races