Sports Criticism Gifts

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

The Golfing Accident

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

The Leafs win the Cup!

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

The Hockey World

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Red State Football

The solitude of bean farming appealed to the ex-ballplayer after his fall from grace.

Racketeer