Sports Comedy Gifts

'Last lap, Jimmy! Dig deep! Make your move! And please stop running like that!'

The Puck Stops Here.

'Well, this is your lucky day, Sheedy.Go in for Moore... He just blew out his knee.'

Discus accidents.

'Now, Perkins, hit my ball straight down the fairway for about 300 yards.'

The Header

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Football Chameleon

Punt Cake

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Alternative fielding positions

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Trojan Hurdler.

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

Sloth 10K.

Dedication to excellence....

"Getting the hang of it?"

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

Cricket - The Pride of the Village.

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

The Hockey World

"Pastrami. My favorite, Chad. But I asked for the 'sand wedge.'"

Various men worshipping a statue of a football