Spiritually Grounded Gifts

"You're no guru - you're a chiropractor."

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"But what if this is all there is?"

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

New Age Office Supplies Catalog.

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'I've found a good book...'

Arrow Church

'Wow! Who knows what eroticism lurks in the heart of a sister.'

'When you grounded me to my room, you said no TV or computer. You never said I couldn't build my own bike.'

My dad's doing flowers for a huge sweet 16 party. Everyone's invited except me! Who cares? It's probably some loser who couldn't get anyone to come over without going over the top. Thanks, Em! You know what's important. Plus! We'll figure out whose party it is and crash it! You're my spiritual guide.

"Hard morning, Pastor?"

Valentine for Guru.

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

"What grade would you like - basic, better or best?"

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

"We met on Agnostic Rendezvous."

The Sound Of One Hand Clapping.

Vending Machine: Epiphanies... Now in six yummy varieties!

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

'Do you have any oranges?'

"You are taking the responsibility as an elder to shepherd the flock a little too serious."

'All may have sinned, Reverend, but all have not fallen short.'

'The secret of life, son, is finding a better hiding place than I did.'

"Mostly been praising Krishna a lot."

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

'If everything is illusory, why should I listen to you?'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."