Spiritual And Spirited Gifts

"Well my prayers were answered."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

"But what if this is all there is?"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how 'bout you?"

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

All we have in life is this moment...

'Have you been working out?'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

Late-Onset Epiphany

'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

"Holy water, holy water...."

"Free why-fi.”

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"Can you get that down to 140 characters?"

'Let's take a minute to allow the bad karma of the old regime to lift.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'Actually, I came up here to get away from people asking me about the secret to happiness.'