Spiritual Satire Scout Gifts

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Yes, all at once!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Christian and Born again Christian...

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

Lesbians for Christ

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

Out for lunch... GOD

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'