Spiritual Satire Scout Gifts

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Even More Disciples'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

Lesbians for Christ

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

Out for lunch... GOD

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'