Satirical Spirituality Gifts

Lesbians for Christ

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Yes, all at once!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Even More Disciples'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Out for lunch... GOD