Satirical Scout Gifts

'Because only men can believe than 1 inch equals a mile.'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

'The Neurosis Pack.'

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

Scandalous! The Germans are occupying the best places on the beach!

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

"I guess "heterosexual backwoodsmen" doesn't have the same ring to it."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

Sure, it's just to find the royal remote, but a quest is a quest, Ernie!

'They only keep him in the team because of his famous WAG!'

'Everything is confidential. We don't need to do scout's honor.'

Dangerous Mural

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

'The DOH is targeting the problem of repeat prescriptions with some repeat proposals.'

Colonel Bagshot.

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

Mild in the Streets

The arrival of girl scout cookies sparks a rise in black bear activity...

'I'll keep your application on file in case something else comes up.'

Michael Moore.

Caught with a smoking gun.

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

"So is this what they mean by 'High Adventure'."

"You can't imagine the stress I'm under."

'This will help me find the wisdom of the ages and increase my penis size...'

'We'd like to go to a country not under threat of US attack for having a nuclear weapons program.'

'After all this time we've finally apprehended the suspect, sir!'

"Hmm. I don't believe there is a fill body version of a tied-seat harness."

"So, to help us earn our navigation badges, we have attorney Murray Ashworth to guide us through the legal jungle."

What if...school uniform was made of leather.

'Gotta run. I'm late for a lecture on answering the phone while out on a date.'

"Did you or did you not tell me to plant some evidence?"

Desert Island with No Vacancies.