Satirical Seeker Gifts

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

Scandalous! The Germans are occupying the best places on the beach!

'Gotta run. I'm late for a lecture on answering the phone while out on a date.'

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

"You can't imagine the stress I'm under."

Lad nav: Nice tits three meters on the left.

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'This will help me find the wisdom of the ages and increase my penis size...'

Michael Moore.

'I'll keep your application on file in case something else comes up.'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Meet the Enemy

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

Flyfishing for dummies.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

'Stick them up...'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.