Satirical Story Seeker Gifts

"It's too early to relax. . . I see a new virus. . ."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

Meet the Enemy

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

Flyfishing for dummies.

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

'Stick them up...'

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

Blue Stockings

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

The Dragon with the Girl Tattoo.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

What would Charlotte Bronte do, she thought to herself.

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.