Scout Humorists Gifts

'Everything is confidential. We don't need to do scout's honor.'

'At ease, soldier.'

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

'Because only men can believe than 1 inch equals a mile.'

Bobsled Police.

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

The USA football team goes on the offensive.

"I guess "heterosexual backwoodsmen" doesn't have the same ring to it."

Peacekeeping?

'At the moment, it's only weakness is flypaper.' - (spyplane research dept.)

'Uh-oh. They're bringing in the closer to secure the win.'

River Source

'... Now this releases me from any liability. And this form ...' 'Fred's legal experiences in civilian life interfered with his work in a war zone.'

"Your being on the company softball team gives me the opportunity to trade you."

"Oh goodie, pigs in a blanket."

Reserve Ants

Goal Post Ape.

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

Pigeon Master

'This is the spot I was telling you about.'

'I'm tellin' ya, Jimmy, we're sitting ducks out here!'

"That's Tom, he spends most of his game in the water hazards."

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

"General, we're doomed: The enemy's message we intercepted says they will attack in Winter..."

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

'Let's talk steroids.'

From here vantage point Colonel Katchamka realised she could see the Polish boarder.