Cockpit Humorist Gifts

"Height and position? I'm six foot tall and in the pilot's seat."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'Flight simulator'

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'Beware of SUV.'

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Student driver"

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

Many clowns in rowboat

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Lucky car.

No Hand Signals

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

The FS-2004 has a great new add-on!

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

'Next time the captain says to turn off your cell phone, just do it!'